Its days like this that remind me that my wife is totally amazing. Without batting an eye she took up the task of caring for a whiney child and a 3-year-old at the same time. Though at least I’m much more willing to take my medicine than Cee is.

I don’t know about you but when I am sick I don’t really want to be waited on or anything. I just want to be left alone, perhaps with some bad movies, but overall just left to sleep it off. And thank goodness for Netflix instant movies because there are a ton of just awful movies on there. I started a few and I think I fell asleep as a subconscious defense mechanism. Oh it passes the time and its better than most daytime TV shows.

Alas, on a more positive note I found out that the Joshua Cup open mic night will be on the eve of the ski trip, Friday February 18. I can’t wait to be a part of that evening. I’ve been working very hard on some new songs and I think I’ve almost finished a keeper. I guess we’ll find out on the 18th.

Well the NyQuil is kicking in and no matter how I feel AMP is tomorrow so I’ll see you then.

God is Everywhere

I also had strong hopes for our baby’s gender. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t desperately praying for a boy, but I also had to grudging concede that, in the words of a wiser family member, “Jesus could decide”. I am now overwhelmed with joy that not only is our little guy a little guy but after the last ultrasound everything is right on schedule and mom and baby are both doing great. God has been so good to our family that we are very nearly crushed by the weight of God’s blessings.

And while we are extremely happy for our addition, Tiff and I both know that the Coder baby factory is closing down in June. This was going to be the case whether we had a boy or a girl. Two little people is plenty to be going on with. Cause with the first kid you get double team coverage, and there’s always a second set of eyes. Now we have to go to a man-to-man look. As I prepare for the coming months looking back on Cee’s infancy seems almost too easy. The idea of it being 3 no 2 is zone coverage and its never good to be outnumbered. I am happy for my friends who are on kids 4 and 5 now. That a way to go forth and be fruitful, but as for me and my house we good right here.

At AMP this week we announced to the student that we would be having a little boy and in perhaps an ill-conceived idea I showed an ultrasound picture which might just rank up there as one of the more creepy things we have done. Oh well at least it was funny right! Until next time, thanks to everyone who has been praying for us and your kind words.

God is Everywhere.

Tiff and I just bought a new recliner! Hooray! It currently lives in our living room where it will reside for the next year before taking its rightful place in my “Man Room.” Now some of you are wondering what Tiff gets out of this deal. Well last time she was pregnant she had a hard time sleeping while lying flat and sitting in a reclined position was the only way she could rest. So this time the recliner will help her when she can’t sleep. But after this new kid thing is past my man room will at last have its crown jewel. What a glorious thing to behold.

It is at this point I feel I should perhaps back track a little. I feel that some of you may have been distracted from the glory of a recliner by this baby talk so let us review. Tiff is pregnant with our second child and is due in mid-June. We are obviously very happy and even more so after getting good early reports from our doctor saying everything is going well. We’ll find out what our little person is in a few months and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a boy but I’ve long ago excepted that my thoughts on what is best pale in comparison to the all knowing gracious hand of God. And besides I’m already getting a recliner out of this deal…what more could I ask for.

God is everywhere.

Of course, for the sake of full disclosure, I am not one to abstain from much of the Christmas gluttony, but I think its important to keep a little perspective. This week I read one of the most well known verses in the Christian tradition, and I think I may have put it in its true context for the first time. Thanks to Tim Tebow most everyone knows Philippians 4.13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But when you pull back and read all of Phil 4 you see Paul is not describing the ability to perform superhuman works.

Paul was thanking the church for their help to him in troubled times, and he assured them that he had had times of great need and time of abundance, but in either Paul knew that Christ would carry him through. Likewise, we should be more reliant on Christ’s prevision and less on our own plans and schemes.

At Christmas, as I sit in the middle of a tower of wrapping paper and watch Cee play with more toys than she knows what to do with (secretly waiting for her to go to bed so I can play with my new toys), I am reminded that my family is richly blessed, and that in all things we will be preserved by the hand of Christ, and we will honor Him for that. God is everywhere.

PS. After writing this it came to pass that Aiden Hardeman was still born early Christmas morning. Daniel and Nikki, the Odd Kouple, have been in many of our prayer for months now. We all knew the prognosis, but as I read the message about Aiden I couldn’t help but break for my friends. While the pain had to be great they are the embodiment of this passage. Though their pain has been all too bitter they have glorified God through their struggle, and have been thankful for God’s mercies. They have live what it means to do all things through Christ. Please pray for my friends.

Snip, snip, snip. Approximately 7 sec and it was over.  She was afraid it wasn’t going to be enough but I had come this far and there was no turning back now. We did it. I’m glad I had a friend with me, it made sure I would be too embarrassed to cry.

No more ponytail, no more hair ties, no more…

That’s right; I went in and cut my hair today (Yes, that was a lot of build up for that, thank you). It’s been coming on for a while now, but I just crossed the 10 inch mark Locks of Love requires for a donation. There was a lot of flip flopping on my part. Part of me was ready to just do it and get it over with, but on the other hand its not exactly a decision that is quickly reversed. I finally decided that I would cut it when it was long enough to donate to Locks of Love.

For those of you that may not know, Locks of Love is a great organization that provides hair pieces to kids suffering from long-term medical hair loss. Their goal is to help sick restore a little bit of normalcy to their lives. I highly recommend them to anyone interested.

When I first got in the chair the very nice stylist was patient with me in my last minute cold feet, but as she measured she was concerned that I might not have enough hair. She was afraid she’d have to cut it too close to get the full 10 inches. But I was in the chair now. No turning back. “Just do it” I mumbled to her. I was glad my friend Bekah came with (the same Bekah who made a midnight run to Wal-Mart the last time I had a hair related saga). She dutifully took pictures and attempted to distract me. 20 min later it was over. I had my new dew and a baggy with a long use-to-be-attached ponytail in it.

Hair grows back (most of the time, now a little more slowly and thinner than it use to), and in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big a deal. I don’t mean to be overly nostalgic or anything. I just wonder if I’ve now crossed some line, and if I did am I ok with that. I’m beginning to think I’m developing multiple personalities. My students constantly remind me, both verbally and with our increasingly differing world views, that I’m not a kid, but at the same time I don’t feel like an adult. I’m stunned very time people ask me a question expecting direction. I’m even more surprised to hear that I have an answer. Its good to know though when I feel the weight of age pressing down I can remind myself that I happily watch Phineas and Ferb on the Disney channel, by myself.  God is Everywhere.

Now all that being said Christmas has come early to the Coder house. That’s right; we had our trees up by Nov 14^th. As I recall our 1^st Christmas being married we barely got a tree by Dec 14^th.) Before my hypocrisy consumes me I will explain. With the ever growing size and numbers of Christmas displays in stores Cee has become more and more enthralled with them. She will stand amazed at the trees and lights. Eventually she’ll exclaim, “Its Christmas Daddy”.

So how could I deny myself that daily joy for the next 6 weeks? Of course I couldn’t. I set up our trees and got them decorated. Yes, there 2 trees. There is our full size tree in our extra room (lovingly called the “man room”) and a Cee sized tree set up in the living room with her toys. The large tree has all our favorite ornaments (to those who care, I got the shuttle to work this year. It really is Christmas), and Cee’s tree is plastic bobbles and a string of colored beads she calls its “necklace”.

Our efforts were immediately rewarded when Cee saw her tree the next morning. She told Tiff, “I’ve got Christmas Mommy. I have red, blue, green…”. Tiff explained to her that her dad set up her trees. I am still getting “thank you daddy” on a regular basis. There is nothing that can compare to her wonder and pure joy.

I will draw this quick point. How much of the Christmas season do we just “get through”? Between family, extended family, travel, shopping, work and church parties, and the innumerable Christmas specials how often do we stop and have that Charlie Brown moment where it all comes back to the true story of Christmas? Our Father has set out the glory of His son for us. When was the last time you were so overjoyed all you could say is, “I have Christmas” and “Thank you daddy”? God is Everywhere.

It took me a few weeks to write this. Its been on my mind every day since I heard. But how do you express what can’t be put into words? Let’s begin with some context. Common experiences unite us and draw friends closer together, so naturally when Tiff and our friend Nikki got pregnant within a month of each other they began to compare notes and that has continued while our daughters have grown together over the last two-plus years. We’ve had play dates, done birthdays and shared some great “firsts,” like the fair and a Brave’s game just to name a few. So a few months ago, we were very excited to hear that Nikki and Daniel were expecting their second child. Sadly their joy was to be short lived. On the day they should have been celebrating that their little “peanut” was a baby boy their world broke. They found out that their unborn son, Aiden, likely had a fatal chromosome condition called T18. As the diagnosis was confirmed the news would not improve. Those of us who are lucky enough to be considered their friends could do nothing but watch as updates came out on their blog, theoddkouple. (I will not try to explain Aiden’s condition as I would not do it justice here, but please see their blog for more.)

Of course, when Nikki and Daniel shared with all of us their burden they were surrounded by love and encouragement from friends and family. While this reaction, I’m sure, was somewhat comforting there is a deafening silence when we ask the question “how could this happen?” And now, in light of what has happened how do we go on? This is the question that has haunted me for weeks. How can there still be joy in the world while there is this pain? I’ve heard and read this week stories of the fair and family vacations over the long weekend, and I am stunned that the world goes on as if nothing had happened. Even in my day to day activities there is a constant sobering weight about. How can we be happy when just the thought of Aiden is enough to reduce any of us to tears? I have written this entire blog around the idea that God is everywhere, but this pain is the true test of that viewpoint.

The answer that I know, that’s quick to my tongue, is that God IS present in our pain, that suffering is not a punishment for some wrongful act, and that while we don’t understand the “why,” God is still good even in our darkest days. These words are all true, but even as I type them they feel hollow against the enormity of our sorrow. They feel hollow because they are not words of action, and they don’t “make it all better”. They make us want to rage and lash out because we can’t just sit and accept it, but they are stubbornly true. God IS in this, God IS good, God IS, and it is the truth of these words that slowly, painfully and slowly, begins to work on what is left of our hearts. Truth resounds with us. Whether it is the truth we seek or not it clings to us and refuses to be shaken. It is like cool water on a burn, it stings at first but slowly it sooth. It will never remove the pain. The pain will leave its permanent scar on us but the truth makes the pain bearable.

The truth is that in our pain God has not abandoned us, but provided us what we need to continue. The harsh truth is that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away and in both instances God is worthy of our praise. And the truth is that during this God is not standing off to the side waiting for us to pull it together; no, God is with us each step, each heart beat and each tear are met with God’s endless compassion. I will not pretend that I have any idea what Nikki and Daniel are feeling. It is unimaginable for me but I know enough to know that they will need every bit of God’s truth to endure. I also know that they are never far from my thoughts and they are in my prayers. I still believe God is everywhere, and I hope that they feel the truth of it.

I love you my friends, and I hope your burden is made light.

Please pray for my friends Daniel and Nikki & their family. For more, see their blog theoddcouple.com.

About 2 weeks ago Tiff and I took Cee to see “Playhouse Disney Live.” For those of you without a 2 year old, Playhouse Disney features the characters Handy Manny, the Little Einstiens, Tigger & Pooh, and of course Mickey Mouse and his gang. The show was very cute and a lot of fun for everyone. I wish I could tell you that it was just something for Cee, but I really enjoyed at least as musch as she did.

As each of the characters looked for music for Mickey’s upcoming “music party” they sang and danced for the kids. It was very interactive as they taught the audience motions to go along with the music. I think at first Cee was mesmerized by the scale of the proceedings. She was enthralled and excited but truly awestruck as well. For most of the 1st half of the show she didn’t know what to. She just stood transfixed on how wonderful and exciting the experience was. During the intermission I think she was able to get her feet under her a little and when Mickey came out for the 2^nd half awe and wonder was replaced by pure joy and excitement. Cee jumped and squealed, waved and wiggled, and hot dog danced her way through the rest of the show.

Without knowing it, what really happened there was that Cee painted for us a picture of true authentic worship. Her unashamed demonstration highlighted two of the most basic fundamentals of worship. First, God is awesome. Not awesome like we say that car is awesome but the full context of awesome God is totally overwhelming and incomprehensible. When we, who are so limited and finite, find ourselves in the presence of the limitless and infinite God there are no words or thoughts that do it justice. When we are confronted with God the only comprehendible truth is the we are NOT God. In fact, this was best summed up in the movie “Rudy” when the old priest tells Rudy, “After 40 years of study I’ve come up with only two incontributable truths: There is a God, and I’m not Him.”

The second fundamental truth of worship that Cee so gladly displayed is that the previous truth is not meant to make us feel lowly or worthless but that we can rejoice that God is, without worrying about what we are not. Worship is a celebration! It is not the death march that all too often takes place on any given Sunday. We must be joyful in worship, it should be something we look forward to, and it should be so life altering that it is we need to talk about it.

In 10 years Cee may not remember the night we saw Mickey in the Macon Coliseum, but I will never forget it. I will never forget the pure joy on her face, how she held on to her mommy and daddy, and the way she laughed. I will treasure the pictures and memories I have of that evening. And I will always be amazed how, if we open our eyes a little, we find truth about our God even in an evening with Mickey Mouse. Cee reminded that night that God is everywhere.

PS To those interested I’ve got more pics from our Disney outing on Facebook. Enjoy!

I turned 30 Sunday. It is of course the natural progression after turning 29 last year but it is somehow not at all the same thing. Thirty is a round number (no fat jokes). It brings to a close a whole decade and begins a new chapter. I guess at the end of any decade you can amazed by the change. The 1^st ten years you go from an immobile mass to an extremely mobile ball of energy. Ten years later you move from childhood to the beginning of adulthood. You’re expected to finish school, vote, and decide what to do with your life. But even in light of those amazing metamorphosis it is in the past ten years that somehow even more has changed.

Ten years ago I was at Mercer just trying to figure out what the heck was going on. I spent as much time @ the Waffle House as my dorm room and rarely saw the bed at anything resembling a reasonable hour. There are times I still don’t know how I got from there to here. It seemed that before I knew it they were calling me a graduate, and I was off to Memphis to continue studying before I really knew why. Over the next years I would rack up a collection of titles: fiancée, husband, homeowner, car owner, reverend, minister, and father.

Today I still feel like this isn’t completely real. I can’t help but wait for the real adults to come and take back over, but last night I watched Cee climb up on the stage @ church and turn off my amps and the stage lights, and then she pulled a chair over and turned the tv’s off in the youth room, and it hit me again that I am the adult.

I don’t feel like I am incredibly old. In fact I feel perpetually stuck at about 24-25. In fact I have to stop and figure out how old I am when I’m asked. Maybe that in itself is proof of old age but what I mean is that I just default into that age range. I think a truism of working with students is that it makes me feel young because seriously adult don’t do messy day, but at the same time it reminds me regularly I’m not as young as use to be (one lockin proves that).

I guess in the end I’m lucky to have an amazing family, a career that I love, and friends that are fiercely loyal and supportive. The presents are nice too! In the last decade I’ve faced trials and suffering that I would have never thought a possibility, and I have enjoyed times of almost unendurable joy. It is true that God’s plan for us is for our best and for us to live our lives to the fullest. And I guess getting older is not so bad, its just a little more time on this crazy ride. God is everywhere.

I woke up with an awful pain in my chest from all the congestion. I hurt bad enough to go to the doctor, which for me is quite a statement. After my meeting with Superman (my doctor’s name is Chris Reaves, always get a kick out of that) he told me I had bronchitis, which for all I knew meant I had a long-necked dinosaur was standing on my chest (that would at least describe the feeling I had). By the way, a free tidbit, bronchitis has nothing to do with any type of dinosaur, and is in fact an infection with a sore throat, so there you go, I’m here to inform. I got my prescription and took it to the Kroger pharmacy, like you do.

Several hours later I returned to Kroger to retrieve my drugs and head home to enjoy a pharmaceutic comma. I walked up to the Star Trek doors and they did not open. Stunned, I stepped back and approached them again. Then I look up into the sensor, waived my hand, and like a moron stepped back and approached a third time. Sadly no progress could be made. I look to the left and the door was open so I moved to my alternate gateway only to be stopped by a dutiful Kroger worker. She informed me she had been stationed in the doorway to turn back would be shoppers because Kroger was closed.

Closed?!? You’re 24hours, and its 7:30pm. Not only is that well within the 24 hour time frame but it is a prime time for shopping. How could they be closed? I felt abandoned. Kroger was always there. When I needed milk at 2am, when I had those midnight sweet attacks, or needed early morning breakfast Kroger was always there. Now, however, one of my most trusted had forsaken me. I was sick, cold, and alone. I felt empty inside, and could hear REM’s “Everybody Hurts” playing in the background. It was the moment the last of my innocents died.

My grief was so great it eclipsed in my memory what happened next. Just before I got back to my truck the car parked next to be began to back out of their parking place. Obviously they were quite as distraught as I was because they didn’t even notice that I was behind them as them pulled out. There was a split second where I saw them and as their car first touched my leg I realized at that moment I was in the process of being run over. I immediately jumped up and found myself sitting on their trunk and I proceeded to do what any other sane person would do. I pounded on their trunk till they stopped. And just as quickly as it had happened I got off their car, they hissed a half-hearted apology and were gone.

On this most unusual of days, getting hit by a car was nowhere near as interesting as my Kroger situation, so I got in the truck and headed home. I called several folks on the way home and by my second call I had completely forgotten about the car as we became so engrossed in Kroger’s abandonment of our community. You know the worst part was after being hit by a car, I couldn’t even go into Kroger and get something for my nerves! Alas, I guess God is everywhere.